Saturday, January 5, 2013

The Big Five-Oh

So, 50.  Just a number.  Right.....

Feels like it.  There was no big fanfare on my 50th birthday.  Well, to be honest, the entire world celebrated because my birthday is New Year's Eve.  I don't feel 50.  People tell me I don't look 50.  I am happier looking in the mirror today than at any other point in my life actually.  Since I'm definitely not worried about my looks, I guess that makes 50 easier.

What sucks about 50 is the reflection that comes with a major milestone in your life.

I am happier than I've ever been, don't get me wrong.  And I have dealt with all the disappointments and downfalls Life has thrown my way.  Like the unbelievable number of sociopaths I've encountered.

Male and female.  Seriously.  These fuckers are everywhere and seem to be unnaturally attracted to my bright white light.  Or something.  Self-serving, narcissistic, attention-seeking, soul-shredding, life-sucking sociopaths.  Jack-in-the-box people.  Present themselves as one thing and then, suddenly, SURPRISE, the real person appears.  Fuck me running.  

What's more, when you have finally had enough and call them out on their shit, not only are they shocked, they have excuses (WHY YOU BEHAVE BADLY IS IRRELEVANT, ASSHOLE), or they are so good at deluding themselves that they do not believe what you are telling them.  It is truly amazing to watch.  My God, if only I could achieve that sort of oblivion-is-bliss shit through yoga or mediation!!  

I am making it my life's goal for whatever years I have left on this stunning planet to avoid these emotional vampires and the pain they inflict upon my spirit.  I have had enough of being broken and putting the pieces back together.

Just gotta figure out the screening process.