NEVER, EVER forget your own AWESOMENESS!
Hey, Dumbass: could you try to remember that the world is full of fuckwads and sheep whose sole purpose of existence is to completely and totally clusterfuck your day? That way, maybe you can always have a Plan B in place.
Please stop trying to take a nap when your kids are home. It's extremely frustrating for everyone.
Please stop with the home-haircuts already. First of all, you don't even have the right scissors for this and, also, you always cut way too much. And, oh yeah, you never clean up your mess. Honestly.