Sunday, November 13, 2011

Torn Between Two (Ex)Lovers

......making them my fools..............................


So, we've established that UrADouche is really a douche and he has been stalking me again.  Puzzling, since our last communication was a scathing email from me basically telling him what a lying piece of fucking shit he is.  Mystery solved when I found out from my super-secret switchta (sister witch) and a happy little coincidence (sign from the Universe) what's actually been going on.  He's currently in between victims.  And now everything makes perfect sense.  This is exactly why he kept disappearing completely from my radar so often and for weeks at a time.  Only to come swooping back into my life.....whenever he'd been shot down.  He once said I always "felt like home".   Apparently he doesn't realize he is now homeless.

Now, for the latest news about EH2.  Several weeks ago my super-sleuth friend, L, called to report some delightful Facebook activity.  Seems that EH2 remarried his ex.  Not terribly surprising as this is their third marriage to each other.  However, when she emailed me a copy of the marriage license (told you she is a super-sleuth), I was a bit shocked at the date.  Because about a week before that is when the texting and emailing regarding his undying love for and devotion to me began anew after almost six months of peace and quiet.  (Coincidentally (NOT), this is the same time UrADouche came back around.) Since then, the "goodnite babe" texts are coming in like clockwork.  As are the "I miss you" ones.

Quite often, I receive texts from each of them simultaneously.  I am seriously not kidding.

So, here's what I decided to do.

I am playing them both.  That's right.  Leading them on.  Keeping them on the hook.  Making them dance like little puppets.  Feeding them the same crap they are feeding me.  Composing the sweetest-ever siren's song, individually appealing to each of them.  And they don't even see what's coming.

As for EH2, I pretty much got even with him when I divorced him.  I plan to eventually forward his text messages to his wife.  I so have her cell number.  And, since my relationship with him started during their previous marriage (don't judge me), I am quite certain she will castrate him.  I won't even have to lift a finger.

My plans for UrADouche are a bit more complicated and somewhat still up in the air.  I plan to play with him as long as it is fun, as I owe him almost two years' worth of PushMePullYou for jerking me around heart and soul most mightily.  The ultimate goal is to be able to lure him into a room full of his past and present victims.  That would just be exquisite, watching him squirm and run for the nearest exit.

Short of that happening, I plan to unleash the fury of Sadie scorned upon him.  Ok, not really, I'm a white witch, I can only use my powers for good.  And the rules say whatever you send out into the Universe will be returned to you threefold.  So, since I can't turn him literally into the jackass that he is, I am lighting candles sprinkled with certain witchly herbs (would LOVE to get my hands on some wolfsbane, since he fancies himself a werewolf.  At least the wolf part is the truth.) to cast a spell to return to him everything he has ever given me; the deception, the tears, the heartache, and most importantly, the longing caused by the disengenuous promise(lie) of who he was and what was to be.  And when I'm through playing with him, I intend to tell him everything I have learned about him, warn him off his hunting grounds, and threaten to expose him with the 400+ smarmy full-of-shit emails I have kept from him.

So, dear readers, now you understand why I have been absent from my blog.  Being a witch is very exhausting, but oh-so-worth it!  I am no longer a puddle of insecure helplessness (like I ever WAS), but feeling strong and powerful enough to be The Avenger.  And it's all in the name of what is right and holy.  If I can save even one sister...........

Now I'm off to do more witchly business.  Stay tuned.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Hollister Shopping Bag Mystery

Ok, I will admit right now that I am "stats-obsessed" when it comes to my blog.  I check constantly to see if I am actually reaching people, and, if so, who.  As of today, my "all-time" stats look like this:

United States:   861              United Kingdom:  40
Canada:  22                         New Zealand:  20
Germany:  7                         Russia:  5
Sweden:  4                          Belgium:  2
China:  2                             Hong Kong:  2

I was rather surprised by some of these countries.  I know blogspot allows you to click on "next blog", so I'm sure that's how some of these people got here.  And, there's also a built-in translator, which has come in handy when I've stumbled upon blogs in languages other than English. Why and how I will never be able to trace.  So I decided to see which of my posts was the most popular.  Here's what I found out.

Aug 14, 2011
90 Pageviews
Aug 8, 2011, 1 comment
24 Pageviews
Oct 10, 2011, 4 comments
24 Pageviews
Aug 9, 2011
18 Pageviews
Sep 1, 2011, 1 comment
18 Pageviews
Sep 15, 2011, 2 comments
16 Pageviews
Sep 26, 2011, 2 comments
15 Pageviews
Aug 30, 2011
14 Pageviews
Aug 9, 2011
13 Pageviews
Aug 7, 2011, 1 comment
12 Pageviews
Aug 28, 2011
36 Pageviews
Aug 7, 2011
27 Pageviews
Sep 1, 2011
25 Pageviews
Aug 28, 2011
23 Pageviews
Sep 1, 2011
21 Pageviews
Aug 28, 2011
13 Pageviews

For over two weeks now, the Hollister thing has had more traffic than I can actually believe.

Ok, if you Google "Hollister shopping bag pictures" and scroll down to about the sixth row, there is the picture from my blog post..  If you click on the picture, it brings up the picture from my post, click the "x" on the picture, and you're reading my post. Ok, I get it.  But why in the name of all that's unholy are so many people suddenly searching for a picture of a Hollister shopping bag?  This is blowing my mind.  

So, here's a plea to all of you dear readers who have found my blog by searching the internet for "Hollister shopping bag pictures".  What is the big deal with those bags suddenly?  Is it the pictures on the bags? Is it the Hollister brand? Is the Universe screwing with my head?

Please, please, please leave a comment!  I am simply dying to know what's going on!  You are my only hope!  Clue me in.