Monday, September 26, 2011

Technology Clusterf*ck
So, it's just a normal Tuesday when my computer starts making a clackety-clack noise on start-up.  My groovy sister (GS) tells me that could be my hard drive getting ready to crap out and I better do something quick.  NO PROB, my work husband (WH) is the IT guy at our company, he'll look at it for me.  So, I stay up half the night backing up and copying stuff to my external drive, cause I'm awesome like that, and take the hard drive to work with me. WH says he'd be happy to check it out.  I'm thinking, perfect, if all goes well, I can have my computer back by Thursday.  No big deal, I have my smart phone to check email, etc.

Right.  Wednesday night, no cell service.  For me.  My daughter has excellent service and she's sitting right next to me on the couch.  Freaking AT&T. Bummer.  No Facebook, or Words with Friends. Ok, I can hang.  Probably good for me to be "unplugged" for a day, anyway.  More time to help my son with his homework, cause I LOVE homework.

Then WH calls to let me know he hasn't had a chance to look at my computer, is Thursday night ok?  Sure, of course, I completely understand, truly.  Thanks so much for looking at it for me, whenever you have time.  And I honestly mean that.  He is an awesome guy anyway, even without doing me a favor like this.

So, natch, Thursday morning half-way to work, my phone goes ape-shit crazy with all the texts, emails, and FB notifications I missed the night before.  No biggie, I'll just deal with this on my computer when I get to work like everyone else does. Ahhh, reconnected!  And surely, this phone issue was just a network problem which will be all resolved by the time I get home this afternoon. No such luck.  Another excruciating evening with absolutely no interaction with anyone except the Pooties.  Bring on the vodka.  Now.  I am really irritable at this point.  Even the Wii won't connect to our wireless network without the damned computer. ARGH!

I somehow manage to make a phone call to GS even without a damned cell signal and she says this must mean something is wrong with my phone, not the network.  She says I should call AT&T to see what they have to say about the situation.  Since she's my tech support (and lifeline for everything else), I know she's right, but I'm beat down already. Homework is kicking my ass and I don't feel like being on the phone with customer service. I'll let it ride till tomorrow and see if I have service.  Meanwhile, WH calls with the fabulous news that the problem is not my hard drive (YAYYAYYAYYAYAYAYAY), but the bearings in the fan on the video card which will have to be replaced at some point.  But, I'm back in the game!  Tomorrow is Friday, and I will have my computer back in time for the weekend. Happy dance!

New life is breathed into my poor tired body/brain and so I set about untangling all the wires that will be plugged back into the hard drive, getting everything ready for the big homecoming. So exciting!  I did remember, however, that the cable genius who put in all the jacks, etc., left me with more than one outlet that is a complete failure and the cable to my modem has a connection so sensitive that if you BREATHE on it, the internet is gone in an instant.  Jiggle if you will, MAYBE the connection will come back.  When it FEELS like it (FU, too, Comcast).  Ah, another challenge.

Friday morning brings more teeth-clenching as my cell phone still has no service!  Until I am half-way to work.  Again.  FUCK.  And Friday drags its ass as slowly as it possibly can till 5pm.  Finally.  Get home, plug all the things into my baby and fire her up.  Of course, since EH2 just had to have Vista, the start-up takes freaking forever.  I wait, not the least bit patiently, cussing and spitting.  And, we're back.  With no internet.  Great.  Fix the modem, restart the computer.    Meantime, my daughter reminds me I am supposed to take her to her friend's house for the weekend.  Look at my phone. NO FUCKING SIGNAL.  That's it.  I'm calling AT&T.

So, the very helpful rep says this sounds like a sim card issue.  Please take the phone to your nearest AT&T store and they'll give you a new sim card at no charge.  NO PROB.  Right on the way to my destination anyway, so off we go. But guess what?  The store is EMPTY. No "We've Moved To" sign on the door.  Nothing.  So, I call the store, after going through the damned automated system and the little smart ass on the phone asks me what I am trying to do today.  Ummm, find the store and punch you in the mouth?!  Finally find the damned place and a little sugarplum named R (we'll call him Fancy) with spiked hair and a purple rhinestone belt buckle a la Adam Lambert is assigned to my case. Yay.

Explain the sitch to him and he graciously says he'll be happy to take care of this.  He helpfully removes my sim card and installs the new one.  Starts the phone.  Hands it to me to enter my Motoblur login.  WHAT?! OMG. I activated that Motoblur thing 8 months ago when I GOT the phone.  RUFKM?  Try every email address and password combination I can think of, but no.  Motoblur doesn't like any of them.  So my phone is completely LOCKED.  I cannot text, talk, download.  Just stare at the Motoblur login screen.  I ask him to give me the old sim card.  He says sure, but it's deactivated.  Fancy says he's really sorry, but there's nothing else he can do.  He guides me to a landline phone in the store and dials AT&T customer service for me and sweetly hands me the phone.  I want to beat him to death with that shiny belt buckle.

So, the dude on the PHONE gets to hear my whole story and I did not leave out any of the profanity from which I spared Fancy.  He says when I can get to a computer I should go to and request a new password.  The only other option is to wipe the phone clean and start over. There are flames shooting out of the top of my head at this point, so I think it's best if I get out of there before someone loses body parts.  As I'm driving my daughter to her friend's house, it occurs to me that THIS jackass just told me how to recover my freaking EMAIL password.  Hello?!  Catfucker!! I KNOW my email password.  OMG, OMG, OMG

So, as I'm driving, I borrow my daughter's cell phone to once again call AT&T customer service.  And try not to vent my frustration on the poor chick who has the honor and privilege of taking my call.  She apologizes and tells me to go to to reset that password once I can get to a computer.  So, I drop my daughter off and drive like a bat out of hell to get home.  Still no internet.  So, I once again jiggle wires and reset the modem...FINALLY.  Now I have to restart the computer again. Ok, I will not let it bother me. I'll just open the new eye shadow I bought on the way home. That should be easy.  NOT. The package is sealed up tighter than a new CD.  More cussing and spitting.

And then, finally, by the grace of all that's holy, my computer is up and running and connected to the internet.  Whereupon I humbly request a new password from MyMotoBlur, which is granted promptly.  Problem solved, phone unlocked.  BLISS.  My blood pressure slowly begins to return to normal.  And I slept well and deeply knowing all was right with my world.

And today, I got my revenge.  AT&T sent me a text asking me to rate Fancy's service.........

Ah, karma!


  1. Glad everything worked out. I would have had a meltdown if I had to go without my computer or smartphone for any length of time.

  2. I die a little inside every time I lose my internet signal. Glad everything finally worked itself out. Now I need to go clean my keyboard since I spit my coffee all over the place laughing.... :)