I've Been Liebstered!!

So, I've been given my very first Blogger Meme award!  I've been given the Liebster Award by TheAdventuresOfNotSupermom, one of my favorite ladies on the interweb. Click on over and check out her amazing strengths as she deals with her Minor Details (her kiddies).

The Liebster Award highlights up-and-coming blogs, those with less than 200 followers.  Liebster is German for Friend, so I'm taking a few moments to call attention to those I consider friends.

The Rules:

Upon receiving the Liebster Award, you must do the following:

1. Show your thanks to the blogger(s) who gave you the award by linking back to them.

2. Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

3. Post the award on your blog.

4. Bask in the love from the most supportive people on the Internet – other writers.

5. And best of all – have fun!

And My Liebster Awards go to:

The Woman Formerly Known as Beautiful:  Shannon Colleary is witty, talented and beautiful, and has taught me so much about life as a former wacktress turned wife and mother in LA (I could never hold up to the pressure!).

Portlandiamom:  "Jen" e sais quoi always makes me laugh, even when she's not writing about Nathan Fillion.  With two short people to wrangle, plus Foodie Fridays, there's always something new to learn.

The Wily Weez:  Fuck You Fridays and sarcasm that makes me sound like Snow White.  What else do you need to know?

Ow, my angst:  Karensomethingorother is another dazzlingly brilliant blog mommy on an exciting journey through daily life.  Kids make excellent blog fodder, right?

Tazer Warrior Princess:  What can I say about Tazer?  Besides the fact that she is effing awesomeness wrapped in tell-it-like-it-fucking-should-be-said-ness.  And I love that.

Thanks to these fantastic bloggers for making my day!!  

Torn Between Two (Ex)Lovers

......making them my fools..............................

from www.officialpsds.com

So, we've established that UrADouche is really a douche and he has been stalking me again.  Puzzling, since our last communication was a scathing email from me basically telling him what a lying piece of fucking shit he is.  Mystery solved when I found out from my super-secret switchta (sister witch) and a happy little coincidence (sign from the Universe) what's actually been going on.  He's currently in between victims.  And now everything makes perfect sense.  This is exactly why he kept disappearing completely from my radar so often and for weeks at a time.  Only to come swooping back into my life.....whenever he'd been shot down.  He once said I always "felt like home".   Apparently he doesn't realize he is now homeless.

Now, for the latest news about EH2.  Several weeks ago my super-sleuth friend, L, called to report some delightful Facebook activity.  Seems that EH2 remarried his ex.  Not terribly surprising as this is their third marriage to each other.  However, when she emailed me a copy of the marriage license (told you she is a super-sleuth), I was a bit shocked at the date.  Because about a week before that is when the texting and emailing regarding his undying love for and devotion to me began anew after almost six months of peace and quiet.  (Coincidentally (NOT), this is the same time UrADouche came back around.) Since then, the "goodnite babe" texts are coming in like clockwork.  As are the "I miss you" ones.


Quite often, I receive texts from each of them simultaneously.  I am seriously not kidding.




So, here's what I decided to do.

from www.jimobeatz.com

I am playing them both.  That's right.  Leading them on.  Keeping them on the hook.  Making them dance like little puppets.  Feeding them the same crap they are feeding me.  Composing the sweetest-ever siren's song, individually appealing to each of them.  And they don't even see what's coming.

from www.telegraph.co.uk

As for EH2, I pretty much got even with him when I divorced him.  I plan to eventually forward his text messages to his wife.  I so have her cell number.  And, since my relationship with him started during their previous marriage (don't judge me), I am quite certain she will castrate him.  I won't even have to lift a finger.


My plans for UrADouche are a bit more complicated and somewhat still up in the air.  I plan to play with him as long as it is fun, as I owe him almost two years' worth of PushMePullYou for jerking me around heart and soul most mightily.  The ultimate goal is to be able to lure him into a room full of his past and present victims.  That would just be exquisite, watching him squirm and run for the nearest exit.


Short of that happening, I plan to unleash the fury of Sadie scorned upon him.  Ok, not really, I'm a white witch, I can only use my powers for good.  And the rules say whatever you send out into the Universe will be returned to you threefold.  So, since I can't turn him literally into the jackass that he is, I am lighting candles sprinkled with certain witchly herbs (would LOVE to get my hands on some wolfsbane, since he fancies himself a werewolf.  At least the wolf part is the truth.) to cast a spell to return to him everything he has ever given me; the deception, the tears, the heartache, and most importantly, the longing caused by the disengenuous promise(lie) of who he was and what was to be.  And when I'm through playing with him, I intend to tell him everything I have learned about him, warn him off his hunting grounds, and threaten to expose him with the 400+ smarmy full-of-shit emails I have kept from him.


So, dear readers, now you understand why I have been absent from my blog.  Being a witch is very exhausting, but oh-so-worth it!  I am no longer a puddle of insecure helplessness (like I ever WAS), but feeling strong and powerful enough to be The Avenger.  And it's all in the name of what is right and holy.  If I can save even one sister...........


Now I'm off to do more witchly business.  Stay tuned.

Hollister Shopping Bag Mystery

Ok, I will admit right now that I am "stats-obsessed" when it comes to my blog.  I check constantly to see if I am actually reaching people, and, if so, who.  As of today, my "all-time" stats look like this:

United States:   861              United Kingdom:  40
Canada:  22                         New Zealand:  20
Germany:  7                         Russia:  5
Sweden:  4                          Belgium:  2
China:  2                             Hong Kong:  2


I was rather surprised by some of these countries.  I know blogspot allows you to click on "next blog", so I'm sure that's how some of these people got here.  And, there's also a built-in translator, which has come in handy when I've stumbled upon blogs in languages other than English. Why and how I will never be able to trace.  So I decided to see which of my posts was the most popular.  Here's what I found out.

Deliver me from Hollister Aug 14, 2011 90 Pageviews Fried Chicken is EVIL Aug 8, 2011, 1 comment 24 Pageviews Monday, Effing Monday (or, Pay Attention to Your I... Oct 10, 2011, 4 comments 24 Pageviews The Workout Bitch Aug 9, 2011 18 Pageviews Glinda on Crack Sep 1, 2011, 1 comment 18 Pageviews UrADouche - UPDATED Sep 15, 2011, 2 comments 16 Pageviews Technology Clusterf*ck Sep 26, 2011, 2 comments 15 Pageviews Blog, Blog, Bloggetty-Blog Blog (or All Hyped Up a... Aug 30, 2011 14 Pageviews Ode to Vodka Aug 9, 2011 13 Pageviews Not So Delicious Aug 7, 2011, 1 comment 12 Pageviews Pages Mood Rings Aug 28, 2011 36 Pageviews What the Eff IS That? Aug 7, 2011 27 Pageviews Shit That Drives Me Crazy Sep 1, 2011 25 Pageviews Notes to Self Aug 28, 2011 23 Pageviews Shit I Really Like Sep 1, 2011 21 Pageviews Contact Me Aug 28, 2011 13 Pageviews

For over two weeks now, the Hollister thing has had more traffic than I can actually believe.


Ok, if you Google "Hollister shopping bag pictures" and scroll down to about the sixth row, there is the picture from my blog post..  If you click on the picture, it brings up the picture from my post, click the "x" on the picture, and you're reading my post. Ok, I get it.  But why in the name of all that's unholy are so many people suddenly searching for a picture of a Hollister shopping bag?  This is blowing my mind.  


So, here's a plea to all of you dear readers who have found my blog by searching the internet for "Hollister shopping bag pictures".  What is the big deal with those bags suddenly?  Is it the pictures on the bags? Is it the Hollister brand? Is the Universe screwing with my head?


Please, please, please leave a comment!  I am simply dying to know what's going on!  You are my only hope!  Clue me in.