Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The Workout Bitch

So, I don't go to the gym.  Never have.  I am not a crowd person, and I definitely prefer privacy when (if) I'm going to sweat and contort my body (and my face) into less than attractive positions.

My answer:  workout DVD's.  The first is Windsor Pilates by Mari Windsor.  A nice, relaxed, but dedicated training program.  And I despise her.  She is so toned and perky!  And she's always saying something stupid like "We don't want shoulders for earrings" that gets completely lodged into my brain.  Really.  So every time I am slumping at my desk, I hear Mari in my head.  Bitch.

The other DVD I use is 10 Minute Solutions with some little tart named Jennifer Galardi, a professional dancer and ACE certified fitness instructor.  Don't get me wrong, I really LOVE Jennifer's workouts.  They are targeted to specific areas and are (mostly) quite fun and get good results.  What I HATE is staring at her concave abdomen taunting me through every workout.  Cause no matter if I did her 10-minute Dancer's Abs routine 24 hours a day, I will NEVER look like that again.  BITCH.

This is why I drink vodka (see my previous post "Ode to Vodka").

PS.  Results are definitely not guaranteed if you drink two glasses of wine before working out. 

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