Monday, August 8, 2011

Fried Chicken is EVIL

Me:  I'm only buying you for the kids' dinner.
Chicken:  Sure, sure, I get it.
Me:  So, you're going to behave, right?
Chicken:  I swear on my life.

  Flash forward to dinner time.  I intentionally had a snack before I left work so I wouldn't be hungry when I fed this delightful trash to my kids.  NO, I am going to work out while they devour this greasy, disgusting, comforting dinner (with Stouffers mac n cheese, natch).

Me:  Just get on the plate and be quiet.

Chicken:  Hey, I didn't even say anything.  I'm just sitting here all crispy.

Me:  Yeah, yeah, I can read your thought bubbles.

Chicken:  Come on.  You know you want to.  One little bite won't hurt.  Look!
              Some of my delicious breading fell off.  You can have that, right?

Me:  Ummmmm......

Chicken:  Do it!  Do it!  You deserve something delicious.  After all, you had
              another annoying day at work, right?  You're a hard-working Mama.
              Look at all you do for everyone else.

Me:  No, I'm going to be strong.  I deserve to do something good for myself.

Chicken: But I am good for you.  Good for your soul.

Me:  DAMMIT. Shut up.  DAMMIT.

Chicken:  Oh, come on, honey, you know I love you.  I'm just trying to help
              you feel better.  Just have a wing, then.

Me:  Ummmmmm.....

Chicken:  PLEEEEEZE?

Me:  Ok, just ONE bite and that's it.

    Right.  It never ends with just one bite, does it?

(Sidenote:  I have had this same conversation with dudes, only about kissing.)

Yes, Fried Chicken is EVIL and Publix is apparently owned and operated by Satan.  And now I have to work out twice as long so I can have my vodka!!!!

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