Sunday, October 16, 2011

Ghost in My Machine

So, lately I have felt completely invisible.  Everywhere.  It started when another driver almost took my life by pulling out in front of me.  I was going straight.  She came out of a side road on my right turning to her left across traffic.  Seriously, had this idiot waited for me to be any closer before pulling out, she would have t-boned me on the passenger side.  As it was, I narrowly avoided taking out her left rear quarter panel.  My hand did not leave the horn on my car for a good solid 60 seconds.  I was furious and scared.  This happened at 6:45 am as I was leaving my daughter's bus stop. 

These near-death traffic mishaps have occured continuously throughout the week.  As if I am completely invisible.  I mean, ok, my SUV is white, sometimes white is hard to see, right?

This has also happened to me with people.  In stores.  Walking right in front of me or almost into me as if I were not even there.  Normally, I would discount instances like these in shopping environments because this is typically where The Sheep hang out.  But Sheep don't acknowledge you at all.  Now it was as if I magically instantly appeared to the people who almost walked through me and startled them mightily.

People haven't answered my emails, professionally and personally.  No one answers when I call.  It's as if I've been unplugged from the grid.  Even though I am a solitary soul, this is feels very isolating.  Sort of like the guy in the Nationwide commercial who slowly but completely disappears.  I have been puzzling and puzzling till my puzzler is sore.  

Then it finally occurred to me:

WAIT:  Maybe I am a NINJA!  And I just didn't know about my magic powers til now. OMG, this is awesome news.  If I can disappear whenever I want to, look out world.  I have a LIST of people who deserve a Ninja surprise.


  1. hahahahaha, I love that poster! Maybe you are indeed a ninja!

  2. I am SO going to work at it. :)

  3. ooooohh...I want to be a ninja too! hide in the bushes and swiftly attack then disappear right in plain sight!!! that is full of the awesome =)

  4. Once again I encounter another post about people falling (nearly falling--phew) victim to RETARD MORNING DRIVERS. Seriously, WTF! Thanks for joining our group of fun, I appreciate it :)

    p.s. I think the homage to your grandmother is really nice. If my Polish grandmother had had her own column, it might have been called "SUCH A STUPID!" as she was mostly disgusted all the time. I miss her.

  5. @Anonymous: JOIN ME in my ninja-ness. :)

    @karensomethingorother: I so miss my grandmother too!

  6. I am frequently invisible. It can suck-ass. But comes in handy for busting the kids! Thwap-Ah!